Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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