Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
