i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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