it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
