I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
