The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
