This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
That accounts for only three of the penises
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
