New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
