she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
