Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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