I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
