Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
