I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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