I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you inspire me to be a worse person
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So much rum. So many feels.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
