I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
