Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
