i don't plan on having that self control this summer
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
