we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
