i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
