It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize