I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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