You made me cry and you don't even care
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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