Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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