Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
