Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
