Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
