I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Is it penis luge time yet?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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