I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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