NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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