it wasn't lemon gatorade
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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