The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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