The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
