pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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