So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
