I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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