Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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