You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
