u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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