hotel room ftw
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
operation harelip BJ is a go
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
