my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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