You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
