At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize