I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
