well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I can't turn off my feet"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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