I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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