i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
