She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
