shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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