You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
