that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
