Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So many bounce houses so little time
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
