oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
