Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
