why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I AM VODKA MAN
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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