Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I am one with the molecules
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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