i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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