did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
