I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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