I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
