Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I got inside last night via doggy door
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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