I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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