he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
