No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
