i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
