Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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