Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
