I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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