I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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