the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
