i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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