Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
