Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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