I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
