I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize