I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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