I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
