and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
