its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
being pregnant is like rehab
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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