I should be sponsored by Trojan
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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