Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize