...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
